Letter Model Answer (WJEC Eduqas GCSE English Language)

Your headteacher has decided that there should not be an end of year celebration, such as a school prom or party. The headteacher believes it would just be an excuse for students to show off in an expensive way.

Write a letter to your headteacher giving your opinion on this.                   

[20]

Task: Write a letter to your headteacher giving your opinion on their decision to cancel the end of year celebration

What? 

A letter

Who? 

Your headteacher

Why? 

To offer an opinion and persuade

Introduction

My opinion: disagree with the proposal

Point 1

Celebration

Final opportunity to celebrate with friends before going separate ways

Point 2

Reward

Appropriate reward for the stress of GCSEs and the hard work

Point 3

Disruption of existing plans

See it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and lots of families would have planned for the occasion for a long time

Point 4

Inclusivity

For the majority of students, it was simply an opportunity to enjoy coming together with friends and teachers

Conclusion

Request that the headteacher reconsiders

AO5: Communication and organisation

11–12 marks

• The writing shows sophisticated understanding of the purpose and format of the task

• The writing shows sustained awareness of the reader/intended audience

• The appropriate register is confidently adapted to purpose and audience

• The content is ambitious, pertinent and sophisticated

• Ideas are convincingly developed and supported by a range of relevant details

• There is sophistication in the shape and structure of the writing

• Communication has ambition and sophistication

AO6: Vocabulary, sentence structure, spelling and punctuation

8 marks

• There is appropriate and effective variation of sentence structures

• Virtually all sentence construction is controlled and accurate

• A range of punctuation is used confidently and accurately

• Virtually all spelling, including that of complex irregular words, is correct

• Control of tense and agreement is totally secure

• A wide range of appropriate, ambitious vocabulary is used to create effect or convey precise meaning

                                                                                                                          26th May 2024

Dear Sir, [Marking comment]

I am writing in response to the recent proposal to cancel the Year 11 prom. I would like to urge you to reconsider your position, for the following reasons. [Marking comment]

A prom is a final opportunity for students to celebrate with friends and teachers, in one glittering evening, before many of us go our separate ways. [Marking comment] As we do not have a sixth form here, lots of us are moving on to college or other sixth forms, with some having secured apprenticeships and going straight into the world of work and responsibility. However, we have spent the past five years building relationships and supporting each other. I am sure you will acknowledge that, as a year group, we are exceptionally close. It would therefore be such a shame to be deprived of an evening we have all been looking forward to for so long, before we are no longer in a position to see each other every day. [Marking comment]

In addition, we have all worked extremely hard over the past two years towards our GCSEs, including the well-attended holiday revision clubs, and so surely deserve some sort of reward. [Marking comment] The Year 11 prom has always been viewed as a much anticipated treat to look forward to at the end of exam season, not only for us, but also for our caring and passionate teachers as well. Furthermore, it is worth pointing out that it is not just the students who like to get dressed up for this occasion! Who can forget Mr Taylor’s famous white tuxedo in the style of Tom Hanks in “Big”? Cancelling the prom would deprive a whole year group of such precious and hilarious memories! [Marking comment]

Furthermore, many families see this celebration as a once-in-a-lifetime event and would have already made arrangements for dresses, hair appointments and car hire. While there is no expectation for these things, it would be unreasonable at this late stage to expect those who have made these arrangements to cancel and perhaps lose out on money paid in deposits. The concern regarding students showing off in an expensive way is, in my opinion, unfounded, especially as we now have the outfit swap shop set up by the PTA to give everyone the opportunity to find something fabulous to wear at a fraction of the cost of buying new dresses and suits. However, if this was still a concern, then why not have a “re-purpose” theme and challenge us all to get our outfits from charity shops or the PTA swap shop? This means that everyone would be on an equal footing. [Marking comment]

However, for the vast majority of students, the main attraction of the Year 11 prom is not dresses or fancy cars; it is the opportunity to come together and have fun with friends and teachers alike. [Marking comment] As our new headteacher, I do not feel like you have yet had the opportunity to see how friendly, welcoming and inclusive the party is, and I think the teachers themselves would express their own disappointment at not having the chance to say one final goodbye to those they have helped become young adults, capable of moving confidently into life beyond school. I know they really felt the impact of this during the pandemic when it was not possible to have this celebration, but there are now no restrictions and nothing holding us back!

To conclude, I believe that the option of cancelling this event would be a terrible shame. I urge you to listen to the views of students, parents and teachers and continue with the prom as planned. [Marking comment]

Thank you for your time.

Yours faithfully,

June Alcott