Question 4: Model Answer (WJEC Eduqas GCSE English Language)

Read lines 31–55.

How does the writer make these lines exciting and dramatic?

You should write about:

• What happens in these lines to build excitement and drama

• The writer’s use of language and structure to create excitement and drama

• The effects on the reader

                                                                                                                                             [10]

You must refer to the text to support your answer, using relevant subject terminology where appropriate.

Emma went first. Finding the ridge was not difficult. The water was quickly up to her armpits, but the footing wasn’t bad. The ridge was about a foot wide and dropped steeply on either side. A quarter of the way out, Emma realised that the water was much colder than it was when you just went swimming in it. Also the current was stronger than she had thought. The truth was she hadn’t given it much attention. The tide had begun to run in again and she decided they wouldn’t try to walk back, but would signal someone to come out and get them. This was typical of Emma. She disliked going backwards. She felt the waves were getting bigger and, although she was managing by using her stick, it was harder to keep her footing. Her muscles were beginning to ache and she had to concentrate, which was why she didn’t look around to see where Robbie was. Now she did.

At first she didn’t see him at all. He wasn’t on the ridge behind her, where he should have been. What she did see was that the hill overlooking the bay was covered with people, sitting quietly, as if at a play and watching the performance going on before them. The performance was Robbie drowning. He had been swept off the ridge and was being carried out to sea by the current. All she could see was his sun hat. As she watched, an arm came up then sank again. She raised her stick in the air and shook it at the hillside. ‘Do something!’ she yelled. She pointed at Robbie with the stick, as if it were a magic wand and she could command him to stop and float backwards. She felt helpless. She knew she could not swim after him and rescue him. If she did that, they would both be lost. She had to keep walking or the water would soon be too high.

In the end, they sent out Horace in an ancient rowboat. Nobody else would chance it. Everybody sane kept their boats at the other side of the island where there was a safe harbour, but Horace was stubborn and liked to keep his boat where he could watch it. He was also, luckily for Robbie, as strong as an ox. He fished Robbie out of the water and rowed back to shore. The crowd cheered and Robbie went into shock.

The writer makes these lines exciting and dramatic by using a carefully-constructed sequence of events to build up to Robbie nearly drowning. What started as an adventure and a bit of fun quickly developed into something far more serious. [Marking comment]

At first, the walk seems to be quite straightforward, as finding the ridge was “not difficult” and the “footing wasn’t bad”. However, the writer foreshadows the possible danger by pointing out that the water was “quickly” up to Emma’s armpits and that the ridge was narrow and dropped steeply on either side. [Marking comment] As the walk progressed, the writer starts to use comparatives, such as the water being “much colder” than Emma had thought and that the current was “stronger”, to hint at the situation starting to become more serious. It is clear that Emma had not given much thought or attention to these issues and was not well prepared for the adventure. [Marking comment]

The writer continues to build the sense of drama and excitement by continuing to use the comparatives to describe the waves “getting bigger” and it was “harder” to keep her footing. [Marking comment] The increasing danger is emphasised by the fact that Emma “had to concentrate” on herself, which is why she had not noticed Robbie being swept off the ridge. The short sentence of “Now she did” has a dramatic impact as the main event is revealed: Robbie is out at sea. However, the drama continues to unfold gradually as next — in a momentary flashback — the writer reveals that Emma did not immediately know that Robbie was in trouble, only that he was not “where he should have been”. [Marking comment]

The sense of events not being real is further emphasised through the repetition of “performance”, which suggests a dramatic, fictional event being played out in front of an audience. The “performance” continues as Emma watched Robbie’s arm coming out of the water and then sinking back down again. [Marking comment] However, she realised that. Rather than something comical or entertaining, this is clearly a matter of life or death and her call for the spectators to “do something” highlights her desperation. The single, blunt sentence, “She felt helpless”, emphasises the seriousness of the situation which is now out of her control. To make matters worse, Emma also realised that she could be in danger if she did not keep walking.

The situation is resolved via a rescue undertaken by Horace in an “ancient” rowboat, although the writer highlights that this endeavour is still risky as nobody else would “chance it”. The danger of the bay is further emphasised by the fact that everybody else kept their boats elsewhere in a “safe harbour”, implying that where they currently were was anything but safe. Finally, Robbie goes “into shock”, presumably from being so close to death, emphasising just how serious everything became. [Marking comment]