Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer (AQA GCSE English Language)

Revision Note

Sam Evans

Written by: Sam Evans

Reviewed by: Kate Lee

Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer

In Paper 1 Question 5 you will be presented with a choice of two writing tasks and a stimulus image. One task will ask you to write descriptively, most likely based on the image, and the other question will ask you to write a story, based on a statement or title.  

The task requires you to write for a specific purpose and in a specific form. It is important you write in the correct format and use the conventions of this form, as the mark scheme mentions adapting your tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences. 

This means: 

  • The tone (sound of the narrator’s ‘voice’) is appropriate and convincing 

  • The register (vocabulary and phrasing) is suitable for the purpose

  • The style of the writing (sentence structure and overall structure) is dynamic and engaging

Below you will find a detailed descriptive writing model in response to an example of Paper 1 Question 5.

Writing a GCSE English Language description

Remember, Paper 1 Question 5 is worth 40 marks, broken down into two Assessment Objectives:

AO5 (24 marks)

Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences

Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts

AO6 (16 marks)

Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation

When planning your response, it is a good idea to keep the tone, style and register in mind, as well as the conventions of the form. Here, we will consider how you can produce an effective piece of descriptive writing with these devices in mind: 

Tone

Descriptive writing should craft a tone of voice in keeping with the mood of the scene. This means your sentences should reflect the atmosphere. For example, if the scene is mysterious and frightening, your sentences should reflect this suspenseful mood. 

In order to craft a tone in keeping with the mood of your description, consider how you can use sentence lengths and types:

  • Short sentences reflect tension and unease, e.g. ‘No sound could be heard’

  • Longer sentences and listing can create a sense of being overwhelmed, or of abundance, e.g. ‘The market was laden with apples, grapes, oranges, loaves of bread, chunks of cheese and every type of vegetable one could imagine.’

Style and register

The style of your descriptive writing is closely related to the language you use. For example, in a descriptive writing response, the best answers show evidence of careful word choice and the deliberate but judicious use of linguistic techniques.

Descriptive writing helps the reader to visualise the person, place, or situation being described. Your word choice and linguistic techniques should conjure a vivid, sensory impression in the reader’s mind. 

The best way to do this is to: 

  • Use vocabulary which is useful to the reader:

    • For example, describing something as ‘brilliant’ or ‘amazing’ is not descriptive

    • Be specific and ambitious in your choice of adjectives 

  • Use sensory language to bring the scene to life:

    • Focus not just on what can be seen, but also what can be heard, smelled or felt

  • Emphasise key ideas or impressions using language techniques and imagery:

    • For example, you could use a simile to create associations about size or colour

    • Personification is a useful technique when describing weather or objects 

  • Ensure you describe the important details:

    • For example, you do not need to describe every inch of a person or scene bit by bit, but instead focus on key features

Form

Descriptive writing is observational writing. This means the narrator does not interact and a character is not crafted. Descriptive writing is like imagining you are behind the lens of a camera. However, this does not mean the scene you are describing is static; it is important to note the movements and action you ‘witness’. 

In order to adhere to the conventions of descriptive writing, it is best to: 

  • Plan your writing in an order which ‘moves’ through the scene

    • The picture you are given is simply a stimulus

    • It is best to use your imagination and describe this scene as it would appear in real life

  • Descriptive writing does not provide background information or develop character interaction

  • When describing people, focus on relevant details only

    • You could focus on their body language or movements

    • Sounds can be effective in crafting the mood, e.g. ‘shouts and shrieks’

  • It is effective to repeat ideas related to colour

  • Consider picking a key detail

    • For example, the people could be wearing colourful hats

    • By describing the hats, it is not necessary to describe the coats or shoes or trousers

Overview

  • Focus on using a range of interesting vocabulary; words like ‘amazing’ do not accurately describe places

  • Include descriptive detail using a range of sensory language (sight, texture, sound)

  • Avoid making your description into a story 

  • Write with technical accuracy (full stops, commas, sentence length, spelling, grammar)

  • Vary sentence and paragraph lengths and types to keep the style and tone dynamic

Structuring your description

Below is an example of the type of descriptive writing you may be asked to write in Question 5. This is taken from Language Paper 1 June 2019:

aqa-english-language-paper-1-question-5-

This task asks you to describe a market place as suggested by the picture. This means you are required to write a formal description using the ideas in the image as your stimulus. It does not mean you have to describe the picture in as much intricate detail as possible over five or six paragraphs. The most successful answers consider the scene in ‘real life’ and use language to bring the scene alive by adding imaginative details.

Examiner Tips and Tricks

Add your own sensory descriptions as suggested by the picture. For example, you can describe imagined movements and actions of people in the scene using interesting verbs and adverbs. It is a good idea to describe the sounds and the weather too, by using language techniques such as personification and onomatopoeia. 

As this is a longer writing question, you can spend about 5 minutes planning your answer. 

Once you are sure of the form you should write in and you have considered how best to convey the mood and atmosphere to your reader, you can begin to think about how you will order your ideas.

Remember, each paragraph does not have to be the same length. In fact, better answers vary the lengths of their paragraphs for effect. What is important is to develop separate ideas or points in each paragraph and avoid repeating the same descriptions throughout your response. 

An example of the way you could structure your response would be:

Descriptive writing form

Panoramic

  • Broadly describe the scene

  • Introduce the time and atmosphere

  • In the market example, this could include colour and how tightly packed everything is

Zoom

 

  • Focus your lens in on one segment of the image

  • Choose smaller, less obvious details

  • In the market example, this could be the butcher on the right cutting into the animal carcass

Single line

  • Emphasise the key feeling of your description in one line

  • In the market example, this could involve smell

Shift

  • Focus your lens on another segment of the image

  • If you started in the foreground, then move to something in the background

  • In the market example, this could be the lady dressed in dark colours at the back, grasping a bag

Shift

  • Now move your lens to a final segment of the image, or suggest something that is just “off camera”

  • In the market example, this could be the lady with her back to you in the middle of the picture

Panoramic

  • Zoom out again to look at the scene from a new perspective

  • How has it changed? Time? Atmosphere? Mood?

  • In the market example, you could change the time of the scene from early morning to mid-afternoon

Examiner Tips and Tricks

Keep using sensory language throughout, but adjust the focus and perspective as your paragraphs develop. Make sure you include description of movement and description of sound to effectively craft a mood.

Overview

  • It is important to plan the order and ‘flow’ of your response

  • If you are given an image as a stimulus, then annotate it and circle the details you will zoom in on

  • Descriptive writing should include movement and sound, but the narrator is a silent observer

  • Do not provide background information on the scene or narrator

AO5: Content and organisation

AO5 (24 marks)

Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences

Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts

Level 4 Response (19-24 marks)

The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle.

Key point

AO5: Convincing and compelling communication, incorporating a range of complex ideas that are assuredly matched to purpose and audience

Language features and techniques

Personification

Personifying the market as an animal which roars suggests something loud and intimidating

Simile

The comparison of the people’s movements with “soldiers going to battle” fits with the mood of intimidation already established

Level 4 Response (19-24 marks)

The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers.

Key point

AO5: sustained crafting and ambitious vocabulary

Structural features and techniques




Ambitious vocabulary

The use of “deafening chaos” is a sophisticated description which effectively crafts a mood

Sustained crafting 



The sounds of the market are developed with detail

The verbs “yelled” and “argued” successfully create a mood based on the sensory language of sound

The adverb “angrily” contributes to the overall effect

Adjectives such as “frustrated” and “annoyed” emphasise the mood

AO6: Technical accuracy

AO6 (16 marks)

Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation

Level 4 Response (13-16 marks)

Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers.

Key point

AO6: Full range of appropriate sentence forms with demarcation consistently secure and consistently accurate.

Structural features and techniques

Short sentence

The description includes a short sentence to emphasise the point of no doors

Listing

A list in the longer sentence creates a sense of being overwhelmed, which suggests panic and builds tension

Question 5 Level 4 Model Description

Below is an example of a full mark Level 4 model description:

Level 4 Response (AO5 - 22-24 marks/AO6 - 13-16 marks)

The Market

The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers.

A large, pink animal carcass hung by a hook, whilst the butcher sawed and hacked at the flesh, sweat already dripping from his brow. Occasionally, he would swat at the flies hovering around the meat with his blade, slicing through the air with a flash of steel. Even though the meat was fresh, the faint stench of death hung like the carcasses themselves from the hooks.

It seems as though all of the smells in the world had come to a reunion.

Sweaty buyers skilfully wove their way through the crush by locating minute gaps between people and squeezing through. Pickpockets hopped like rabbits in a carrot field, munching the  purses out of the many pockets of innocent buyers too busy bargaining. Experienced visitors wore tight pants for the same reason. And a helpless woman fumbled through the scores of bags she carried and tried to tick on a list with a pen clenched between her teeth.

As the sun warmed, the stuffy, stinking air filled with sweat and rotting fish intensified. No air freshener could have defeated the sour, rancid smell which ruled over the cramped stalls. Only a single woman in a pristine white dress seemed immune from the stench. As she wove her way through the crowd, her perfume lingered and stretched its fingers tentatively into the atmosphere, only to be swiftly overwhelmed.

As the afternoon flamed the market, an exhaustion and breathlessness silently took over the first time visitors, but the everyday buyers proudly held on against the torture and kept shopping. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers.

Examiner comments

  • Convincing and compelling communication

  • A range of complex ideas assuredly matched to purpose and audience

  • Sustained crafting and ambitious vocabulary, used accurately

  • A range of appropriate sentence forms with demarcation consistently secure and consistently accurate

  • A range of punctuation and linguistic devices are accurately applied

  • Writing is imaginative, assured and compelling

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Sam Evans

Author: Sam Evans

Expertise: English Content Creator

Sam is a graduate in English Language and Literature, specialising in journalism and the history and varieties of English. Before teaching, Sam had a career in tourism in South Africa and Europe. After training to become a teacher, Sam taught English Language and Literature and Communication and Culture in three outstanding secondary schools across England. Her teaching experience began in nursery schools, where she achieved a qualification in Early Years Foundation education. Sam went on to train in the SEN department of a secondary school, working closely with visually impaired students. From there, she went on to manage KS3 and GCSE English language and literature, as well as leading the Sixth Form curriculum. During this time, Sam trained as an examiner in AQA and iGCSE and has marked GCSE English examinations across a range of specifications. She went on to tutor Business English, English as a Second Language and international GCSE English to students around the world, as well as tutoring A level, GCSE and KS3 students for educational provisions in England. Sam freelances as a ghostwriter on novels, business articles and reports, academic resources and non-fiction books.

Kate Lee

Author: Kate Lee

Expertise: English and Languages Lead

Kate has over 12 years of teaching experience as a Head of English and as a private tutor. Having also worked at the exam board AQA and in educational publishing, she's been writing educational resources to support learners in their exams throughout her career. She's passionate about helping students achieve their potential by developing their literacy and exam skills.