Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer (AQA GCSE English Language)
Revision Note
Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer
In Paper 1 Question 5 you will be presented with a choice of two writing tasks and a stimulus image. One task will ask you to write descriptively, most likely based on the image, and the other question will ask you to write a story, based on a statement or title.
The task requires you to write for a specific purpose and in a specific form. It is important you write in the correct format and use the conventions of this form, as the mark scheme mentions adapting your tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences.
This means:
The tone (sound of the narrator’s ‘voice’) is appropriate and convincing
The register (vocabulary and phrasing) is suitable for the purpose
The style of the writing (sentence structure and overall structure) is dynamic and engaging
Below you will find a detailed descriptive writing model in response to an example of Paper 1 Question 5.
Writing a GCSE English Language description
Remember, Paper 1 Question 5 is worth 40 marks, broken down into two Assessment Objectives:
AO5 (24 marks) Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts |
AO6 (16 marks) Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation |
When planning your response, it is a good idea to keep the tone, style and register in mind, as well as the conventions of the form. Here, we will consider how you can produce an effective piece of descriptive writing with these devices in mind:
Tone
Descriptive writing should craft a tone of voice in keeping with the mood of the scene. This means your sentences should reflect the atmosphere. For example, if the scene is mysterious and frightening, your sentences should reflect this suspenseful mood.
In order to craft a tone in keeping with the mood of your description, consider how you can use sentence lengths and types:
Short sentences reflect tension and unease, e.g. ‘No sound could be heard’
Longer sentences and listing can create a sense of being overwhelmed, or of abundance, e.g. ‘The market was laden with apples, grapes, oranges, loaves of bread, chunks of cheese and every type of vegetable one could imagine.’
Style and register
The style of your descriptive writing is closely related to the language you use. For example, in a descriptive writing response, the best answers show evidence of careful word choice and the deliberate but judicious use of linguistic techniques.
Descriptive writing helps the reader to visualise the person, place, or situation being described. Your word choice and linguistic techniques should conjure a vivid, sensory impression in the reader’s mind.
The best way to do this is to:
Use vocabulary which is useful to the reader:
For example, describing something as ‘brilliant’ or ‘amazing’ is not descriptive
Be specific and ambitious in your choice of adjectives
Use sensory language to bring the scene to life:
Focus not just on what can be seen, but also what can be heard, smelled or felt
Emphasise key ideas or impressions using language techniques and imagery:
For example, you could use a simile to create associations about size or colour
Personification is a useful technique when describing weather or objects
Ensure you describe the important details:
For example, you do not need to describe every inch of a person or scene bit by bit, but instead focus on key features
Form
Descriptive writing is observational writing. This means the narrator does not interact and a character is not crafted. Descriptive writing is like imagining you are behind the lens of a camera. However, this does not mean the scene you are describing is static; it is important to note the movements and action you ‘witness’.
In order to adhere to the conventions of descriptive writing, it is best to:
Plan your writing in an order which ‘moves’ through the scene
The picture you are given is simply a stimulus
It is best to use your imagination and describe this scene as it would appear in real life
Descriptive writing does not provide background information or develop character interaction
When describing people, focus on relevant details only
You could focus on their body language or movements
Sounds can be effective in crafting the mood, e.g. ‘shouts and shrieks’
It is effective to repeat ideas related to colour
Consider picking a key detail
For example, the people could be wearing colourful hats
By describing the hats, it is not necessary to describe the coats or shoes or trousers
Overview |
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Structuring your description
Below is an example of the type of descriptive writing you may be asked to write in Question 5. This is taken from Language Paper 1 June 2019:
This task asks you to describe a market place as suggested by the picture. This means you are required to write a formal description using the ideas in the image as your stimulus. It does not mean you have to describe the picture in as much intricate detail as possible over five or six paragraphs. The most successful answers consider the scene in ‘real life’ and use language to bring the scene alive by adding imaginative details.
Examiner Tips and Tricks
Add your own sensory descriptions as suggested by the picture. For example, you can describe imagined movements and actions of people in the scene using interesting verbs and adverbs. It is a good idea to describe the sounds and the weather too, by using language techniques such as personification and onomatopoeia.
As this is a longer writing question, you can spend about 5 minutes planning your answer.
Once you are sure of the form you should write in and you have considered how best to convey the mood and atmosphere to your reader, you can begin to think about how you will order your ideas.
Remember, each paragraph does not have to be the same length. In fact, better answers vary the lengths of their paragraphs for effect. What is important is to develop separate ideas or points in each paragraph and avoid repeating the same descriptions throughout your response.
An example of the way you could structure your response would be:
Descriptive writing form | |
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Panoramic |
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Zoom |
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Single line |
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Shift |
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Shift |
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Panoramic |
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Examiner Tips and Tricks
Keep using sensory language throughout, but adjust the focus and perspective as your paragraphs develop. Make sure you include description of movement and description of sound to effectively craft a mood.
Overview |
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AO5: Content and organisation
AO5 (24 marks) Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts |
Level 4 Response (19-24 marks) |
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The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle. |
Key point | AO5: Convincing and compelling communication, incorporating a range of complex ideas that are assuredly matched to purpose and audience | |
Language features and techniques | Personification | Personifying the market as an animal which roars suggests something loud and intimidating |
Simile | The comparison of the people’s movements with “soldiers going to battle” fits with the mood of intimidation already established | |
Level 4 Response (19-24 marks) |
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The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. |
Key point | AO5: sustained crafting and ambitious vocabulary | |
Structural features and techniques | Ambitious vocabulary | The use of “deafening chaos” is a sophisticated description which effectively crafts a mood |
Sustained crafting | The sounds of the market are developed with detail | |
The verbs “yelled” and “argued” successfully create a mood based on the sensory language of sound | ||
The adverb “angrily” contributes to the overall effect | ||
Adjectives such as “frustrated” and “annoyed” emphasise the mood | ||
AO6: Technical accuracy
AO6 (16 marks) Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation |
Level 4 Response (13-16 marks) |
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Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers. |
Key point | AO6: Full range of appropriate sentence forms with demarcation consistently secure and consistently accurate. | |
Structural features and techniques | Short sentence | The description includes a short sentence to emphasise the point of no doors |
Listing | A list in the longer sentence creates a sense of being overwhelmed, which suggests panic and builds tension | |
Question 5 Level 4 Model Description
Below is an example of a full mark Level 4 model description:
Level 4 Response (AO5 - 22-24 marks/AO6 - 13-16 marks) |
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The Market The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers. A large, pink animal carcass hung by a hook, whilst the butcher sawed and hacked at the flesh, sweat already dripping from his brow. Occasionally, he would swat at the flies hovering around the meat with his blade, slicing through the air with a flash of steel. Even though the meat was fresh, the faint stench of death hung like the carcasses themselves from the hooks. It seems as though all of the smells in the world had come to a reunion. Sweaty buyers skilfully wove their way through the crush by locating minute gaps between people and squeezing through. Pickpockets hopped like rabbits in a carrot field, munching the purses out of the many pockets of innocent buyers too busy bargaining. Experienced visitors wore tight pants for the same reason. And a helpless woman fumbled through the scores of bags she carried and tried to tick on a list with a pen clenched between her teeth. As the sun warmed, the stuffy, stinking air filled with sweat and rotting fish intensified. No air freshener could have defeated the sour, rancid smell which ruled over the cramped stalls. Only a single woman in a pristine white dress seemed immune from the stench. As she wove her way through the crowd, her perfume lingered and stretched its fingers tentatively into the atmosphere, only to be swiftly overwhelmed. As the afternoon flamed the market, an exhaustion and breathlessness silently took over the first time visitors, but the everyday buyers proudly held on against the torture and kept shopping. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. |
Examiner comments
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