Explanations for why Relationships Change or End (DP IB Psychology)

Duck’s phase model of relationship breakdown

• Duck’s Phase Model (2007) describes the stages involved in a relationship breaking down from the earliest phase of one person having misgivings about the relationship to to the final ending of the relationship

• Although the model charts the typical course of relationship breakdown it does not state The Intra-Psychic Phase:

  • This begins when one of the people in the relationship begins to feel that the relationship is not working which may be due to feelings of dissatisfaction, a lack of equity, poor communication etc.

  • The person may not give voice to these feelings and they may even try to persuade themselves that they are being silly or unreasonable

  • Thoughts and feelings may be shared with a trusted friend or written down in a journal to make sense of them (this may involve a list of pros and cons of the partner/relationship being drawn up)

  • The person may dwell on the (real or perceived) faults and flaws of their partner and they may use confirmation bias to reinforce their dissatisfaction, for example:

    • ‘There he is watching football again when I want us to watch Masterchef together’

  • The threshold for this phase may be expressed as:

    • ‘I’m so sick of this; things have to change’

• that each stage will inevitably lead on to the next stage: 

  • the journey to complete relationship breakdown can be averted at any of the first three phases of the model

• Relationship breakdown, according to Duck develops over the course of weeks, months or even years and each phase is characterised by a specific threshold, the point at which this next part of the process is inevitable and almost unavoidable

• The Dyadic Phase:

  • At this point the person who has originally felt dissatisfied about the relationship airs their feelings with their partner (or it could be that both partners have come to feel dissatisfied independently of each other)

  • It is likely that this phase will involve each partner listing the negative qualities of their other half, identifying flaws in their relationship and in their partner:

    • there will probably be a number of arguments/confrontations and complaints about each others’ shortcomings, lack of care/sensitivity/communication, unappreciative attitude etc.

  • It will be at this point that inequity is discussed; where costs are emphasised and rewards are dismissed as being not enough

  • There will probably only be two outcomes to this phase: either the couple decide to work on their relationship or they decide to split

  • The threshold for this phase may be expressed as:

    • ‘Clearly this relationship is not working and I don’t know whether I even want to try to save it’

• The Social Phase:

  • This is the point at which each partner turns to their friends and family for solace and consolation (and as a way of affirming their decision)

  • Friends and family may be supportive in reinforcing the person’s decision or they may try to persuade them to try to work things out with their partner

  • Some friends and family may use Hindsight bias to re-frame the relationship e.g. ‘I always knew you were too good for him/her’

  • The couple may find that friends take sides, adding another dimension of conflict and negativity to the situation

  • It is difficult for couples to decide to reconcile at this phase because they have, essentially ‘gone public’ with their grievances so to reunite means that the couple will ‘lose face’ and potentially embarrass their friends and family 

  • The threshold for this phase may be expressed as: 

    • ’This really is happening’

• The Grave-dressing phase:

  • This phase involves each partner trying to tell the best ‘story’ to explain the break-up in a bid to come out of the whole mess looking like the ‘good guy’

  • It is important for each partner’s self-esteem that they spin a good tale, painting their ex as unreasonable, difficult, demanding 

  • This is the time for the relationship history to be re-written (by both partners, probably resulting in wildly different versions) and, initially at least, there is bound to be some creative re-imagining of reality, for example:

    • one partner’s enjoyment of a gin and tonic on a Friday night is re-spun as ‘It’s pretty evident now that Patsy is dependent on alcohol, I really think she has a problem’

  • The most mature and rational response to the break-up is that both partners agree that they were incompatible and that they should move on

  • The threshold for this phase may be expressed as:

    • ’It’s happened; now let’s get on with the next stage of my life’

Evaluation of Duck’s Phase Model of Relationship Breakdown

Strengths

• The model does have some face validity as it reflects the experience of many people who have gone through a break-up

• The model could be applied to couples counselling:

  • It could be used to identify key triggers for conflict

  • It could be used by the counsellor to suggest strategies to salvage the relationship

  • It could be used to end the relationship in a way which does not harm each partner unduly

Limitations

• The model is linear in that it charts the progression of break-up from phase 1 to phase 4:

  • This is not necessarily hold true for every couple

  • Some couples or individuals may immediately leap into the social phase, bypassing the first two phases altogether for example

• The model is light on explanation as it outlines the ‘what’ of relationship breakdown but not the ‘why’

Felmlee’s fatal attraction hypothesis

• The fatal attraction hypothesis (FAH)is based on the idea that some relationships are not meant to succeed because:

  • the two people in the relationship are basically incompatible

  • the relationship is based on a brief, but passing attraction

• The FAH explains relationship breakdown along the lines of what initially attracts an individual to another person may be the very reason for the relationship turning

  sour (in other words, be careful what you wish for)

• In Felmlee’s words the FAH occurs when:

  • ‘...a quality that first attracts an individual to a romantic partner is the same characteristic that the individual later interprets negatively and identifies as disliking in that partner’ (1995, p. 300)

• Felmlee claims that FA relationships are widespread (at least in individualistic cultures):

  • Almost 50% of romantic relationships follow the FAH pattern (1995, 1998, 2001

• Examples of FA relationships might include:

  • Rob is initially drawn to Rylan because of his good looks; after being together for some time Rob starts to think that Rylan is too high-maintenance and vain

  • Elsa is initially drawn to Albert because he is so clever; after being together for a while Elsa starts to think that Albert is just a bit boring as he talks about physics non-stop

Evaluation of the fatal attraction hypothesis

Strengths 

• The FAH is supported by Felmlee’s own, exhaustive research, plus it is easy to relate to the concepts which underpin it: it has real-world, anecdotal evidence in abundance

• Felmlee’s conversion of qualitative data into quantitative data is useful because:

  • It can show patterns in the data which qualitative data cannot achieve

  • Percentages make for easy comparison

  • Large sample sizes can be used with quantitative analysis which increases the reliability of the theory

Limitations

• One of the drawbacks of using quantitative data to analyse highly subjective material such as personal relationships is that much of the detail, explanation and individual experience is lost in translation

• The theory does not account for FAH-typical relationships which are successful and do not end in termination

Research which investigates explanations for why relationships change or end

• Mitnick et al.  (2009): the birth of the first child may begin the breakdown phase as predicted by Duck’s model

• Felmlee (1995): the original fatal attraction study

Mitnick et al. (2009) and Felmlee (1995) are available as ‘Two Key Studies of Explanations for Why Relationships Change or End’’ – just navigate the Explanations for Why Relationships Change or End section to find them.